This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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