I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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