i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
