Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's the barista slut.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
