end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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