hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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