On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
