just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
