It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
