You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
