I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
