Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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