Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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