Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
