I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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