on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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