I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
