From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
