Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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