wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
