I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
