I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
