And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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