I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
