That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
