How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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