so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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