His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
