This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
