She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
