Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
