Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
