We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
