I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
