how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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