trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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