Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
