After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
