Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
