i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
