we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
