I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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