dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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