she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
