I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
