i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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