I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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