so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
