Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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