So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize