you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
