break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
