We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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