if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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