whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
