I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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