bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
