I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
