His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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