Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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