thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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