i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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