Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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